Editor of men’s magazine MAXIM Mary Mikulin continues to talk about what behavior and values society imposes on young women. For example, it would be nice for a woman to get a tear-off calendar of “Women’s secrets”. And how did she even know how to live?
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In our family it is a tradition to give each other tear-off calendars. The ones in the USSR hung in every house — sometimes have a shared phone in a communal apartment, sometimes in a room above a Desk, but more often, something to hide in the toilet. In fact, the tradition originated in the days of our communal life.
Recent years, the tradition supports my mom. In early January, when Moscow covered with white hangover cover, mom gives my grandmother and me on the tear-off calendar. Grandma gets the calendar associated with agriculture: “Your garden”, “Your garden,” “Your Colorado beetles” and so on in the same spirit. To me the mother is clearly more difficult — the range of my interests haven’t made out so well. So mom experimenting.
In 2014 I got a tear-off calendar “Lunar”. Throughout the year we with the Moon was my best friend: I know what day it is included in the third quarter and when it happens the Eclipse. Luna warned me that is in the sign of Aries, which means I better wait a little with the haircut. Then she suddenly reported that the growing — and highly recommended to grow along with her company, that is to start a new business. In the end, the end of the year, the Moon of best friends turned into worst manipulative, and I was glad when December 31, we said goodbye.
In 2016, my mom gave me tear-off calendar “Health”. Although it was correct to call it “Disease” — the calendar was entirely devoted to the diseases and their symptoms. My morning now starts with chondromatosis joints, acute laryngitis, multi-colored lichen and rabies. At first it was unpleasant, by the spring I used. “What a lovely Sunny morning, just for Ebola haemorrhagic fever!” By the way, my birthday’s on the back of the page was listed “Depression”. How well I knew this calendar!
In January 2017 mother with a triumphant smile handed me a new calendar. On cardboard young woman with very large Breasts and slim waist and a rosy girl with ponytails rolled out something (or someone) with a rolling pin on the table and smiled. The calendar was called “Women’s secrets”.
I knew immediately that the year will be difficult.
The calendar “Women’s secrets” behaved as it should be the same mythical “real woman”: it was inconsistent, capricious and, most importantly, worried about excess weight. So, 6 February calendar shared a recipe for “Bread baked with raisins”, and on February 7, apparently panicky by, advised “Exercises for tight butts”.
The most frequently used word in the “Women’s secrets” was the word “coat”. The coat is flashed on the back at least once a week: “How to choose a fur coat” (22 January), “the Relationship between the nature of a woman and her fur coat” (March 3), “How to wear a fur coat so that all turned around” (for some reason, August 5, when coat can be worn anywhere and surrounding will still turn around). Crept fur coat even in the category “Women’s humor”: “no One is surprised that a man wants sex, but still wonder if a woman wants a fur coat.”
The calendar “Women’s secrets” demands to the appearance of its owner. So, under the heading “Tips for well-groomed feet” strictly instructed “to appear on the street with bare legs only if they are absolutely smooth.” Suddenly someone decides off the cuff to touch your feet on the street, and they are, unfortunately, not completely smooth?
In addition, the calendar recommended to refuse the pants and jeans in favor of skirts and dresses. The benefits of such sacrifices, the calendar was explained by the fact that “such clothing restores the connection with the energy of nature by the female line.” And in that case, “if you want to really impress a man,” calendar strongly advised “not to wear on the first seven dates pants” (July 27). But perhaps most convincingly heard the argument: “it is Established that the constant wearing of trousers has a negative impact on women’s bodies” (2 November). Who installed and how the calendar is not explained, but I’m sure when you read these lines thousands of women’s bodies across the country has shrunk alarmingly.
But perhaps the most valuable in the calendar “Women’s secrets” was that he aspired to be for women support and source of wisdom in family life. For example, the question “How to find happiness in family life?” (September 9) calendar replied as follows: “Less boredom, but not to party constantly like a carefree fool. More gender differences! Women, be feminine, as nature directs you”.
Marital happiness did not happen? It doesn’t matter. “Women’s secrets”, and in this case is the answer! So what if “you left husband” (this should happen according to the calendar, January 8): “Try to understand why you left husband. What is the reason? Maybe it was hidden inside you? My husband did not get enough attention and love? Was limited to his friends? Maybe you just began to drink her husband’s constant nagging?”
The calendar is clearly no doubt who is to blame for the breakup. It seems that to atone for what her husband gone, the woman could only in one way — every day to shave my legs until the end of his days to wear only skirts.
The calendar also reminded the woman that “for men it is very important procreation — as if it denied” (October 15). Imagine how “happy” families appeared in Russia in the fall.
But the absolute triumph calendar began on 27 and 28 June, when he had decided already on two pages to tell you about, “what determines male sexuality”.
“Imagine that the husband does the Laundry, then stroked washed every day washes pots, pans, plates, regularly cleans the apartment, takes things to the dry cleaners. It would seem that in such family should be ruled by a all-embracing happiness. However, family psychologists say that sexual harmony and mutual satisfaction in such a pair does not exist. Indeed, surveys of several thousand couples shows that wives who have husbands with household chores practically do not do or do something under duress, have sexual intimacy one and a half times more often than those whose husbands are engaged in routine household work”.
It is obvious that the calendar was composed by a man whose wife dared to leave the house alone with unwashed dishes. Along with household duties, the author of the calendar decided to save from the care of his wife.
“Moreover, most women irritate men’s excessive helpfulness and care. Some just get questions like “aren’t you cold, darling?” “maybe pour a Cup of tea?”, “are you comfortable?” etc, etc.”
And, of course, my keen interest was aroused by the topic “Women’s notebook”, in which were collected the wise women’s thoughts. Like, “I’m ready to change, it would be only one” (December 23); “it is urgent to change something in your life. Another nail Polish that is going to make up?” (July 10); “a Woman can endlessly look at three things, and buy seven” (February 15); “the girls there are no rules, just the mood. What is the mood, and such rules” (August 26).
In General, I have an idea: when Russia finally wins feminism, I propose to foment in the middle of the fires and throw them in the calendars of “Women’s secrets”. This should be done on the waning moon and always with unshaven legs.