Useless holidays: why we can’t rest?

The first working week behind you and already feel like I worked three months without a weekend? No, it’s not that the holidays were too short. The fact is that the rest should be able to. We’ll show you how to learn it. Yes, we know that a vacation is not soon, but you’ll have time to practice.

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Бесполезные каникулы: почему мы не умеем отдыхать?

Total control

We are afraid that if even for a moment distract from the Affairs and plans, the collapse of all that has been created by excessive efforts: career, home, family and friendships. “To relax is often hampered by the desire to keep everything under control. And yet — the constant anxiety,” — says Tatiana Kapitova, psychologist rogerinho direction. This illusion of its own indispensability not very successfully combined with perfectionism, striving to make everything perfect, and when it fails, feel shame, disappointment. In the end, though, the thought of staying is causing so many unpleasant experiences that, until the actions just don’t get it. Vacation ceases to be something significant. “This attitude is a consequence of low self-esteem — explains Alla Chuguev, family therapist. Such people criticize themselves, they need to earn the love of others”.

How to relax? If the inability to relax is connected with giperatidnosti and perfectionism, need to rest the part of your business plan. Need to plan periods of relaxation and to write them in a diary, so it would be harder to miss. And yet, studying the experience of successful people, it is useful to note not only what they say about work and vocation, but also their words about the rest, caring for themselves, their sources of inspiration.

Riding without rules

All living things obey one law: the natural alternating periods of tension and relaxation. Sleep and wakefulness, weekdays and weekends, winter and spring, heart beat and pause before the next blow, hibernation and mating season. “When we ignore the law, leisure begins to be perceived as something secondary, unimportant, optional, says Rina Moiseeva, a Jungian psychologist. — This is our own disrespect for nature, to its limits, the body.” We mistakenly believe that we are above all the rules and our resources contrary to the laws of nature is infinite and inexhaustible. “Idleness, sloth is just as important as performance, vigor, diligence, and the ability to be in good shape. Laziness is the guardian of our resources, signaling the approach of fatigue,” explains systemic family therapist Marina Travkovo. Inability with respect to its “can not” and his “want to” leads to the fact that we perceive the rest as an annoying break between interesting and important things.

How to relax? Need to experience varying degrees of fatigue. For example, you can think of this scale: “we need a little break”, “a little tired”, “need to rest”, “exhausted”, “completely disconnected”. When you learn to understand your condition, to ignore the signals of fatigue is difficult. You can still focus on the pros that give laziness and rest. Marina Travkovo draws attention to this caveat: “It is laziness, luxury and leisure, and sometimes in a dream many come to mind efficient and long-awaited solutions and new ideas.”

Escape from yourself

Sometimes rest our fears. For example, a fear of change or fear of being left alone. “When a person downloads all free time work, he had no time to think about how he lives, — says psychologist Elena Experience. — He fails to notice that he is not satisfied with, decided on a drastic change.” We ismatullaeva yourself during the day so that no strength left to think about the meaning, or meaninglessness, experiences and reflection. Just to get to bed and fall asleep. This view is supported and Marina Travkovo “Relaxation helps to distract from daily routine and see for yourself or partner.” And to see something that is not ready to see or do not want. No wonder most often family crises fall on days after holidays, vacations and long holidays. “On holiday we’re on our own, we can do what we want, says analyst Eugene Gaiduchenko. — And how many of us know their desires and certainly know how to follow them?” Work is external support, the usual way to stabilize reality and structure. Without the usual congestion and bustle we as without hands — or rather, how without crutches. A growing feeling of inner emptiness, of uncertainty, of anxiety.

How to relax? To begin, let’s establish that for the emotion behind the desire to cram into your day than there objectively can fit. We can ask ourselves: what would happen if I rest now? When you think about vacation, what do you feel? Why? If you begin to rest any thoughts I can’t escape? When it becomes clear of what it is turning out, you can start slowly, at a comfortable pace for you to get acquainted with this idea or experience. Gradually the mind will cease to perceive “stay” and “what not to watch” as something unified, interdependent.

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“We can’t rest, because we are not told that it is necessary, — says Marina Travkovo. — We were taught to work and work again”. We are so afraid of being branded Emel, idlers and lazy people that don’t feel the difference between the desire to do nothing and the physical need of relaxation, fatigue. We are influenced by family and cultural attitudes like “Who does not work shall not eat”, “will Be the lazy, going to beg to be dragged”, “a rolling stone gathers no moss” and other fine folk aphorisms. In pursuit of social approval to start to work more, faster, more productive. “Women in modern society imposes a double burden: to earn social approval, it needs to be not only successful at work, but also a perfect hostess, a wonderful mother, wife,” says clinical psychologist Elizabeth Queen. A time of rest and blissful idleness, even sleep, is perceived as being stolen from their families or careers. A healthy and caring attitude is a sense of guilt towards loved ones for all that is supposedly something “given” and “not completed”.

How to relax? To stop this race, you might think, what the parent message, or the kind of social setup we are implementing. Remember what you told us about work and rest, parents or other significant adults. It is useful to formulate and write this message, preferably clearly and concisely in one or two sentences. Then look at this phrase is critical: that sounds illogical? That is out of date? What has escaped the attention of “ancestors”? What important they did not notice? Any thoughts from this setup helps to escape? It is important to find the family message and common bean: how it helped the family survive? What is its positive influence on our destiny, character? For that you can thank this idea as it made us stronger? Given the answers to these questions it will be easy to formulate a new installation, and considering the criticism, and positive aspects.

Text: Olga Denisova