The navel of the earth: Alina Farkas about how bad it is to think that the world revolves around you

We are often like three-year-olds, I think that everything that happens in the world is because of us. And this sometimes leads to disastrous consequences.

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Пуп земли: Алина Фаркаш о том, как плохо думать, что мир крутится вокруг тебя

One day me ceased to be friends girlfriend. Easy to scratch! Stopped calling myself, so crumpled and detached answer my calls, I soon also stopped. Didn’t answer emails and in General made it seem that it is not necessary and not interesting. I was going crazy! Reassembled and dismantled according to the bones, views and polovstian our meetings, found a thousand and one reasons for which she could at me mortally offended. Had eaten a huge hole for it… In General, suffered and blamed myself.

Three years later, a friend appeared again — she called. I was delighted, talked, discussed. It turned out that her husband, who was a perfect lover and tender to the bride and groom have been encoded by the alcoholic, what she didn’t know exactly to the moment when he suddenly rasterbars — just a few months after the wedding. For three years she was a crash course wife of an alcoholic hope and confidence that she’s quickly rescued, to co-dependency, Stockholm syndrome, and finally out of that relationship and painful for all parties of divorce.

But she disappeared — because she was embarrassed. She’s a good girl whose always everything went smoothly and correctly, and suddenly the wife of an alcoholic who washes him down and rescues from the drunk tank! Yes, it would be easier to admit that he went to live in Haiti to join the cult of the spaghetti monster, or was aware of his bisexuality and married the man! So she lost contact with all the people from a past life — to-nothing to explain that the situation became even more embarrassing than it already was in her eyes.

We are often like three-year-olds, I think that everything that happens in the world is because of us. He or she is doing so, because I’m doing that way. But in the vast majority of cases people’s behavior is irrational and unpredictable. We are in life our own demons, complexes and inner passion. One good girl hesitated to call me on the case because it seemed to her that once during a collaboration she told me rudely and unfairly answered. When she decided, then long explained that I had nothing to do with what she had at that time a very difficult situation, she’s frustrated at every! The funny thing about this is that I don’t remember — I remember her as a great professional, gentle person and then many times recommended her to my friends.

Or the opposite example: I hate to leave the house, I like birthdays and holidays are not home (that is, in those places where it is impossible to escape to a quiet place without people, for example, in the bedroom), don’t like new companies and are generally. One day, a friend came just a week from another country and invited me to her birthday, she collected all his Moscow friends, the event was held in a fun café, where I didn’t know anyone except a girlfriend. And besides, they were all younger than me by ten to fifteen years. Two days later I was leaving to live in another country. And here I thought I’d come in the company of cheerful dvadtsatiletnej beautiful, talented, creative and full of ideas — tired of moving, growing, not sleeping for two years the mother of an infant with three works and a nervous tick. And broken meat to nail because of the tens of the collected boxes for the move. Until the last moment he was going — and still not gone. Would not, could not bring myself to do it. A friend came to the conclusion that I disregarded. She and her company — not interesting enough and — Oh, Gods! — prestigious for me. Mortally offended and seems offended so far.

Funny and sad, but all attempts to think for others, and most importantly — trying to put himself the cause of all the events usually end in complete failure, and getting into the milk. My husband, when he was just a future husband long refused to introduce me to his parents. And I know that they have a very close relationship that in the house always going to a large family of companies that fun to celebrate family events… which I was not invited. Of course, I decided that he doesn’t consider our relationship serious enough to introduce to his family. Then I thought that his parents must really love his ex-girlfriend, and therefore I don’t want to see anyone else. In General, I very much thought. At that time, as future husband thought that if I, with all my obsession with the beauty of our home, you will see an old apartment of his parents, where the father was a Professor at carefully stores each sliver, a box and a cog trapped in the house, I’ll take it as relatives. Not good going to take.

Needless to say that his family also wanted to meet and were a little upset why I “ignore” all of their meetings. And I was in awe of all these people, from a big family, warm relations between them, from posture, chiseled figure and sharp mind of his grandmother, who, at nearly ninety ably led the whole clan gathered under its wing all the favorites, and their, and others’.

This is a very simple rule, and it seems that we have crammed it by heart: to think for others is bad, to talk to each other, to ask directly — good. But who the hell asked when and so all is obvious?! How, then leaves.