A word of three letters: how to learn to say “no”

How to learn to say no without guilt? Cosmo knows the answer.

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Cosmo Online
Psychology
Not news
Слово из трех букв: как научиться говорить «нет»

Don’t hesitate long

Even if you’re indecisive. Especially if indecisive. When you do not want something to accept, at first quickly give up, and already then to argue than argue the answer. Otherwise the risk does not dare.

Example: you have a wedding in a week, and the seamstress reports that it lacks the lace with stones, so the dress won’t look as planned. And you think that the time to change something no, and to refuse — it’s a continuous hassle. But we agreed: I don’t think about the difficulties, otherwise accept something that is clearly not satisfied. So first tell concrete “no”, and then in a calm atmosphere consider options. And you soon realize that the dressmaker herself was to blame, so let’s take a quick trip over the lace and will make everything right.

He expounded briefly

In formulating arguments for the refusal, not indulge in lengthy explanations. And then your speech will be similar to excuse.

A colleague asked to help her write the letter, and you see that you have to stay overtime? And say: “I wish I could help, but I don’t have time”. And all at this point. No “because I have to make five calls, and then another meeting, and in front of her to make a presentation, and I got a text not prepared for it”.

Do not allow yourself to be persuaded

If you, after hearing the request, he immediately gave a negative response, do not enter into further debate. Because all do not argue opinions may be thousands, but you’re focused on yours. Let your “no” be friendly but peremptory. Once the surrounding gets used that to persuade you from going, your refusal will be perceived as something self-evident and cannot be further adjusted.

For example, your sweetheart says: “I don’t want you to go to work in such a short skirt”. And you begin to make excuses: “Yes, she’s barely above the knee, think!” And then he do something good, and he is also good in response. And it is possible to spend a lifetime in the bag to toe (or break up with a boyfriend — there’s a choice for you). Instead, say: “I appreciate the tip, but the skirt is something I want to wear it.” And to make it clear that the conversation is over, switch the conversation to the film, which is in the cinema at the weekend. Or pandas. Who doesn’t want to talk about pandas?

Don’t look for a very special reason for refusal

Sometimes it is not worth to look for no special reason. Sincere words “tired”, “I’m not in the mood”, “do not want” — a decent argument. Until you repudiate the “serious circumstances”, others understand: for you have the weight of only the outer conditions and your own feelings are not so important. And when you honestly say “No, I have other plans,” you get respect, not just to irresistible outside forces.

Girlfriend wants to visit and even baked a cake “especially for you”, and you dreamed the whole weekend lying in bed? And say, “I’m tired”. And no need to write that this weekend you had planned to make five thousand urgent cases, and at the same time to save the world.

Figure out what you will not do under any circumstances

To make it easier to refuse, in advance, make a list of things you don’t like. Then you cannot be surprised. A friend wants you to go with her to the store to choose her coat, and in the court Friday night, you (imagine) the other desires? Immediately starts an inner monologue: “Well, I, sorry, I guess, what I am for being selfish so don’t want a person to help.” And here you have instead of a cocktail in good company (or a cozy dinner with your beloved family) tired of wandering around crowded shopping Mall, gritting his teeth with anger at its softness. And if you have at any time ready with a list of things you hate you will be easy to cut off: “I don’t like to go shopping with her friends.” And (remember point number three!) this argument deserves attention, no less than a passionate desire of a friend to go shopping at your company.

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