The straight a student syndrome: how to stop trying and start living

The desire to share all five with a plus — not a quality that stands proud. Because the straight a student syndrome that turns your life into an endless examination. Now describe how to deal with it.

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Синдром отличницы: как перестать стараться и начать жить

Just trust yourself

Nice when a job well done you praise and relatives. And the chef even promises a prize! So you are struggling to a result was satisfied if not all, at least the ones whose opinion you strongly. However, if the preparation of the quarterly report or the negotiations are too important, there is a fear.

“And suddenly people will be unhappy with my work? Go get ready even better!” — you argue, do not sleep at nights, nervous and altered the presentation. So not bad in General the quality of “diligence” — ally turns into an enemy.

To praise is nice, but for many it is also an opportunity to evaluate the results of their labors. It is much easier to be confident that the 80-year anniversary of the beloved grandmother you started well, if your opinion is in solidarity to all the relatives. This is quite natural, but try to reduce dependence on foreign valuation. It’s easy: you need to define your own criteria for the success of any business. To do this, answer the question: on what grounds do you realize that the task is performed well? Make a list and do not forget to take account of the expectations of the boss, friends, colleagues or other stakeholders. Even if something goes wrong, you at least will have a clear conscience and there will always be arguments to justify its decision.

Focus on the Essentials

Try more of all those who have too much to do. They have to spend time and energy to sort everything. Although the same diligence could be developed in the same direction and with much greater impact. Therefore, the first recommendation: prioritize. I agree, now it is urgent to complete the sale of the project than to plan a vacation during the may holidays. However, some people, choosing a specific goal, go to it by such winding ways, that envied Ivan Susanin. “Most of achieving results is a distraction that we just confuse the ultimate goal and ideal,” explains the analytical psychologist Olga Pronkina. The ideals of the terrible fact that they are unattainable. No matter how you try. For example, to have a paying job that you liked and did not occupy all his spare time, is ideal. To find a job in a particular company with an acceptable salary is a realizable goal. Learn to distinguish between them. To do this, write on a piece of paper all to aspire to. Now sort the positions in two columns: left — ideals, to the right of the target. The list from the left column, lay aside. Define priority objectives in the right column and do them. Eventually, after working each of them will see: unwittingly, you have reached the desired ideal.

Be a man

Some struggle with the ideals is harder. Simply because they strive to make perfect every step of the way to the end result. They are called perfectionists, and they know for diligence not to take.

Well, is it possible to cry over every good (and not excellent) project. And you can start to gradually get used to the fact that the world is not perfect in principle. To take even the most beautiful person on earth and look at it more closely: it turns out that one of his eyes is slightly bigger than the other. If even half of our individuals are not identical, what kind of universal perfection in General can be a speech?

If you’re really picky, try to learn to appreciate his work a little softer. “I choose not categorical criteria “very good” or “bad” and intermediate “good” or “bad”, “acceptable” and “normal”,” suggests existential psychologist Oleg Fetisov. Trust me, the world will not collapse if you do something acceptable, but not “great” quality. And try to have much less.

Stop shaming yourself

One of the reasons why we attach too much importance to work and, therefore, even more anxious in their performance, is their inability to cope with setbacks. Feelings of guilt and shame, arise in the case of failure, takes too much time and effort. So we rested for a brilliant result, although he is the aim of indirect. True — to avoid failure and to maintain peace of mind. In the book “All because of me (but it isn’t),” American psychologist brené brown talks about this “shame of failure”. The strategy proposed by the author, will help you to stop being ashamed of yourself and your results. And while you didn’t find the book, psychologist and coach Lyudmila gorodnicheva gives a simple recommendation: “you Need to change your attitude to the problem. In case of failure, do not torture yourself, and above all to support. For example, with the words: “I did everything I was capable of, and all that depended on me. I have nothing to feel guilty about””.

And then analyze your experience: what would I do next time differently to avoid such errors? What kind of experience I received through this event? So, one again, changing the attitude to own mistakes, you will be less afraid of failure and hence to stop trying in vain.

Do your job

Finally, the harder we are working, what is not good.

It is quite normal in this case to doubt their own abilities. Another Dale Carnegie said: “Half the worry in the world comes from people trying to make a decision without sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.” So find the courage to admit that in some matters you aren’t the expert. “Try not to take responsibility for the spheres that you don’t understand,” recommends the existential psychologist Oleg Fetisov. Or, if no choice, you pull to the professionals and learn to share responsibilities with others. Everyone should do what he can. Trouble is, since the boots begin to stitch the pastry and you will take over night to sew Christmas costume child, though long and thoroughly forgotten what the tuck and seam.