“Could you undress?”: Arina Choline on veiled violence

If you’re a woman, you’re already a victim, that is our upbringing. Arina Choline talks about how it happened and what to do with it.

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Psychology
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«Ты не могла бы раздеться?»: Арина Холина о завуалированном насилии

The most influential fashion publications refused to work with Terry Richardson. Because “Weinstein”. Terry molested women, behaved disgracefully, used the situation to get mannequins on the couch.

Terry, of course, can be a bitch. And this is all knew for a long time, and a year ago there was a noisy scandal — the model accused the photographer of harassment and boorish treatment. And as if all came to naught.

But now, when the head (the Queens of show business) are falling like apples in August, finally — hurrah! — got to Richardson.

I there for a long time Richardson was very fond of. He was a badass. About him as a person, I knew nothing.

Well, I know there is something to complain about that model. I know a lot of artists and photographers.

Here you come to his friend, the artist. It is always interesting to go to the workshop. You are sitting, drinking, chatting — everything is fun and cute. Then he says he wants you to draw. You’re not so flattered, and not against it.

And then he says: “And let me see your Breasts”. And you realize that everything has changed. Yes, he’s an artist. And Yes, he draws naked women. But you feel: Oh, not in the art business now. And you are embarrassed. And it is “embarrassing” that most “disgusting”.

Now, until the burning of the campaign Harvey Weinstein, people have a lot of questions: “How could they?” (It’s the Actresses.) Well, he called room service, well made coat, well, he called for a massage — because you can refuse. But it is not only that women were faced with a choice — a role for sex or anything. It is not so simple.

Here I sit in front of a lovely man I have known for a couple of months and I have a great hanging out somewhere in the clubs and at shows, no sexual tension, I’m just cheerful, he’s funny, always close friends…

And now he wants to see my Breasts.

The flow of thoughts: he wants me to draw, he needs the breast, his naked women, and that friend is his model, and maybe he sleeps with her, am I a prude, but maybe not to draw, he wants me…

You’re confused. And on the one hand, you are ashamed that you suspect a person is bad, on the other hand is clearly bad here near vibrating.

Well, I stripped that one. Such a beautiful and bold. Then the man climbed not even with a brush.

If I was the same as now, I already knew what to say, what to think, how to behave and how not to suffer from it all almost guilty.

But sometimes you’re twenty-years (and even twenty-five) — and you’re still floating in this complicated world, you are not able to make decisions quickly. And for some reason you feel that you were raped — even if you no the chest is not shown and generally got ready and left.

Brilliant series “Girls” (like last season), where Hannah wrote a blog about how her friend was groomed into sex acts by one writer. The other girls also, he was accused of. So he took Hannah to his home, the type to make excuses. Hannah was hostile. But this writer, adult, and very charming man, so she spoke, confused, braided some revelations have painted such a beautiful version of events from himself that she was already beginning to regret, and then she did not understand how his penis was in her hand. And then she woke up.

The way it is. In a world ruled by men and where women for one reason or another feel addicted to it, men are very cleverly manipulated the girls that they “showed his chest”. You get a strange cocktail of embarrassment, fear, insecurity, self-doubt — that when a man suddenly starts to screw with you.

That is the truth of our lives — no matter how solid, smart, determined we would not like to seem.

Well, I came to the workshop my father’s friend. And he reached into my pants. That in itself is not so bad — if I was in love with him if I wanted. But I didn’t want. And I felt awful. I was terribly embarrassed, scared, I did not understand what I want to yell at him or just run away, pretending that nothing happened (I ran away).

I will not hide, me a couple of times so “persuaded”. I can understand models that tell us how the same Richardson told them to strip (for shooting is not needed), undressed himself, and then they discovered that having sex with him. I personally have not been crushed, was not destroyed, but it is an unpleasant experience. You think: “How did this happen to me?” And Yes, you feel used, you feel uncomfortable.

Of course it’s not literal rape. And the issue is not that these models are somehow depended on Richardson, he could deprive them of their earnings or, conversely, to work.

The fact that you suddenly freeze and not know what to do. You might be a young idiot who is afraid to seem “not cool”, afraid to offend, doesn’t know how to be sharp how to stand up for themselves. It is not in benefit. And that our upbringing tells us that if you’re a woman, you’re already a victim. And men their upbringing whispers the same. You said in your post, like him or not, he just wants to get laid (not all men, of course, but like Weinstein, Richardson and the like).

But honestly, hits like “show me your Breasts” I have met too often. And not just from artists or photographers. Men rushed to your body as if had no idea that it is possible to find the girl who would be the form they wanted.

And most of all you are surprised that you have this victim. About myself I always thought who-who, and I can stand up for themselves. But no, sometimes you’re caught off guard.

Yes, now there is hardly a man who has get me here to breed, but my past is part of me. And I know how it is.

It happens to everyone. We can not say that to blame only men (in the sense that particular men) is to blame Patriarchal society where a man can act like that, and the woman turns on the victim.

You just have to understand that each of us is this sacrifice, and thank God, if there were no such circumstances here, where she found herself. Gotta feel sorry for the victim in the other, we need to consider that you do, too — maybe it is that you can’t say the word across your boyfriend (or father) or you can’t stand up for myself at work. Violence is different. The reality is that men still like to treat women as concubines or servants, and we women indulge in this, as in the depths of the soul afraid to be rude, evil, ruthless. Because “mygateway” we are so mother brought up.

Fig mother. Fig dad. They know not what they do. They live in the NINETEENTH century. Girls, be boorish and murderers. And that’s when men will not remain fit victims they can demand for anything, then they will crawl to you on his knees. And you will send them to mom and dad — who gave birth to you, the one with them and coddling.

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