What gives man-a neurotic? Says Michael Labkovsky

You are not a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, for you, neurosis is a word with very clear meaning. Nevertheless, to recognize a man with neurosis and escape from the toxic relationship with him.

Cosmo Online
edition Cosmo.ru


Share with your friends

Join the discussion


Cosmo recommends

  • Праздник к нам приходит: крутые и дешевые украшения на Новый год

    The holiday comes to us: steep and cheap decoration for New year

  • Королевский прием: как носить твид и выглядеть современно

    Royal treatment: how to wear tweed and look modern

Cosmo Online
Not news
Что выдает мужчину-невротика? Рассуждает Михаил Лабковский

The first and most important, although at the same time the most vague symptom: with this person you feel like something is wrong. Even if you find it difficult to make this feeling clear definition, if you are not comfortable is an important symptom. You can feel this as anxiety, uncertainty, tension or apprehension, don’t make popular mistakes: don’t try to analyze this feeling and find its cause. Again, you are not a psychologist, not a therapist, not a psychiatrist, you are not the attending physician of this man. You don’t have to search for the sources which you have feelings and even more so — to blame yourself for what you are having them. Time you with this man uncomfortable, which, in fact, the difference, why? There is no reason to pursue a relationship with someone who is not makes your live positive emotions.

But let’s concretize what gives the man a neurosis.

For example, many neurotics love to brag about. Usually it concerns money, career, social status. It may seem that a man is successful and tries to make a favorable impression. But truly successful and accomplished man is not going to stick out because he’s got, roughly speaking, does not itch. There is a saying: “anyone that hurts that he is talking about”. In this case, this is a perfect illustration. If a man has a good career, business, high salary, he is confident in himself and his professionalism, he is at best going to mention the field of activity and position. He does not need to convince you (and themselves) how cool it is. He should already know.

It’s exactly the same phenomenon that occurs in many writers: they write about what they lack. And the clowns and comedians in life are the most depressed and dull people. It is human nature to compensate, so listen to what the man tells you — he actually calls himself his problem, his sore spot.

If he says that he is the soul of the company, he has a bunch of friends, all free time is scheduled by the minute — most likely, he’s incredibly lonely, not able to build a long lasting relationship, don’t know how to make friends. And, as if in advance will let you know about his employment, demand he gets you in a situation when you feel that enough interesting to him, if he didn’t call that friends closer to him than you, so the weekend he spends with you. And you have nothing to do with it, it’s the cockroaches and his neurosis.

Another example: male-neurotic, so unsure of himself as a man in his virile terms, that surrounds himself with signs of status, to please a woman. On the one hand, this is understandable, because given the choice a woman would rather prefer a more wealthy, successful, rich man. But truly successful man will not wear superexpensive watch, a jacket with a recognizable figure and wear a purse with a bright logo. Look at Mark Zuckerberg, Steve jobs stuck to the same strategy. Clothing should be comfortable, high quality and relevant, everything else is tinsel for neurotics.

The second type of neurotic is a whiner. He’s always bad, the story about the day he’ll start with the fact that the weather was terrible, it was disgusting, nasty colleagues, the head of the tyrant. In General, the whole world is against him. He is naturally talented and possesses a fine mental organization, no one understands, does not like, he is very lonely. Here is not get caught and not turn on the mode “I save him”. Will not save, only your life will spoil. It can’t be saved, because he does not want. He wants to drink you dry, and when you break, I will say that you, like other women, he is terribly disappointed, and will go into the night. You’ll dig the feeling of guilt and of worthlessness. A variation of this type — a narcissist who speaks about himself, which is the center of the Universe, and you play the role admiringly say, “Oh!” at the right time. This man as a child is not praised, and it makes up for it, putting you on the spot of an imaginary mother to hear: “What you have done me, son!”

The third common type of neurotic — altruist. He is willing to help, and I want to stress that it strongly promotes a kind of besserebrennikov. They say that money is corruptible, material goods is low, the consumer society is degradation, and that’s all he speaks with incredible enthusiasm. This is not fine impulses of the soul, it is not noble, it is — a neurosis. He is healthy, harmonious value themselves and their time, their strength and so can appreciate the time and effort of other people. Normally to do the job for the money. Normally pay others for the work. Normally to do charity and donated to help those who can not cope, but it’s not OK to pick it up and carry like a banner, like, here, I help for free, I’m generous, look at me and feel their insignificance. By the way, one more thing: getting something for free, or thing, the less people appreciate it than if they bought the thing or service for money. That’s the way our material world: the more expensive you pay, the more benefit you purchase gave.

The fourth type of neurotic — greedy. Women usually recognize faster than others, because it appears brighter. To date, he can wail, as prices rose in the restaurant, during a conversation about work to complain about his low salary, the meeting will bring you a single rose in cellophane. Run! And don’t fall into the trap of “what it is economical, all in the family all in the house.” No, not family and not in the house, he will give you 100 rubles for lunch and wonder what you have missed. You will always beg, and he will be accused of profligacy. Such men are buying apartments and decorate them for mom have secret accounts in banks, which wives do not suspect, and all my life counting every penny. While it is not necessary that greedy poor, it is not associated with prosperity, it’s a neurosis.

The fifth type of men-neurotics — aggressive males. With it, not against the woman, and towards other people. People hate driving, they lie all the drivers around you, the waiters in the restaurant are rude, for compres-Sion leg strive to give a face, in short, are constantly in a defensive position. Rest assured that in the end it will wsbsite you.

And finally — the list is not the most obvious signs that should alert you. This lack of its own position even in small things. You ask him, where are we going, and he says — where do you want. You ask, red or white, and he says to decide for yourself. He can’t make a choice, he always shifts the responsibility on you. Such people often produces it. They never say “I think”, “I am confident”, “I will do so.” They say “I hope”, “I guess”, “I’ll try”. They often finish sentences with poloborota, for example: “it’s awfully cold Today, do you agree?” Or: “let’s Go to a café, I’m hungry, do you mind?” That is, they always need confirmation that they are doing everything right.

There are other signs of neurosis, but I want to emphasize the thought expressed in the beginning. If you are uncomfortable with a man on first-second-third date. do not assign the fourth. In the first meeting, the man shows himself in the best way, and if you’re unpleasant to be around — nothing good from these relationships will come.