Nobody likes me: what to do if you really think so

What a shame and not fair that no one likes! You know that feeling, a lump stuck in the throat? Then it’s time to understand this difficult situation and try to solve the problem, and not to be tormented days and nights with the question: “why?”

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Никто меня не любит: что делать, если тебе правда так кажется

From childhood

Hardly anyone will be surprised by the fact that most of our adult issues is formed in the first years of life. Only here’s the paradox: everyone knows about it, but to try not want. Indeed, it is much easier to think that the true reasons for the present dissatisfaction that “I’m doing something wrong” or “people to blame”. Meanwhile true both: to be happy, have to change much today, but it is impossible to dismiss and from the past as if it never existed. Psychological one law for all: if from a painful past to escape, it will catch up with him if to work (and to begin to recognize) — it will go.

The constant feeling of “nelyubimogo” (real or perceived) is almost always the consequences of childhood experiences. The time when laid not only our mental, but also the Foundation for future relationships with people, our perception of ourselves and others. If the child is not given the opportunity to feel loved, and then this sense of self then simply nowhere to take. And here we are talking not only about dysfunctional families. The most vivid illustration of the problem — a statement by one high school senior girl: “My daddy loved me. He loves his adult daughter, who does not smoke, does not drink, does not walk with the boys and does well”. For parents who only love for something, only “if you’re a good girl,” you’re all my life to feel unloved. If the feeling of “nobody loves me” you remember from childhood (and not just it visited you at the moment a bad mood) and it is not dissipated even when the mind you realize that love, to convince himself, proving the obvious, pointless, and blame and harmful. Here can help only to a psychologist.

Too good

“It’s so wonderful! Why is she so unlucky?” — surprised your girlfriend. And vying with each other to describe your strengths: nice appearance, ability to cook, and a hefty career goals. And every word is true, but you cry at night from loneliness, because no one is. Possible cause — you’re too good for those who choose. Men are hard for you to stretch, subconsciously they do not like to compare myself with such a successful girl, and they run away. They want to change, analyze their own life experiences, I understand why you choose these men. Finding the root of all evil (perhaps he too as a child), you will be able to cope with the problem.

Again he is not…

If you have a conversation with “unloved” girl, often it turns out that she has her admirers, and sometimes not at all “phony”, and are loyal and faithful. Some invite to a movie or restaurant, others give flowers and gifts, and even a childhood friend is always ready to come in and do a man’s job around the house, and it is absolutely disinterested. Sometimes confidence in their own “nelyubimogo” does not disappear and married ladies, and really loved by their husbands. And the reason is simple: not “do not like” and “dislikes”. Who? Of Course, He Was The Main Love Of My Life. This can be relevant to man (such as a former husband who recently broke up) or a phantom from the past. The details are different. Sometimes the beloved is idealized (“only he was the most-most-most and had all inconceivable perfections”), and sometimes it is indeed an outstanding person in heart and in life it is difficult to find a replacement.
In other cases, tired of this “not even love”, “obsession” the girl decided long ago that her ex-Beau’s not worthy. She was fully aware of all his faults… and can do nothing about it. This will require long painstaking work: think about who and what you love? Listen to friends and relatives who have long been telling you about his unreliability and bad character. You may know it. Take a sheet and write why you love him. It is likely that the feelings you already no, but there is only regret about it (feelings) loss. Is not it better to choose someone more worthy? However, if the image is “only” obscures not only real people, but even the desire to build a relationship with someone else, it means that all of the brutal “denunciation of the scoundrel” did not help. Or helped, but not completely. The way to new possibilities yet closed.
More difficult if your ex was endowed with a variety of valuable qualities to you. In this case, to erase it from memory and download the new man of your dreams, you need a resource. Is it possible? Yes, but will need to work with a specialist.

Is it love?

We all have our own idea of what love is, and wishes to “package” in which we want to obtain precious feelings. For some, it’s delicate and careful attitude to each other, for others, a sincere desire to participate in all issues of a loved one, all the insight, to help. But a pair of two similar halves will be difficult to feel satisfaction from the relationship: delicate will assume that it “inhibit” (“Is it possible to talk about love in this expansion!”). And help will feel that it is constantly “deny” that the loved one is him “says nothing about his life (“is it love when there is no trust!”). And everyone in this miserable pair! To find harmony, we can and must seek those with whom “form” of love is the same. But for this we must first understand ourselves. The chances of getting what you want increase drastically when you KNOW what you want. So take the time to formulate and write (so reliable) that you think is true love, what words and actions you expect from your partner. The more specific your description is, the more chances to get what you want. For example, “so he earned a lot and pampered me” is not good, write how much it is and all mischief “by name”.

Don’t like, and then I…

The trouble is, if his “nelyubimogo” you’re trying to benefit. The trouble in the first place for you: in this case, you don’t solve the problem because they do not want really to part with it. Is there a bitter feeling is a trap with sweet bait. And now you have to find justification for any nefarious or just bad actions. For example, you can not look after themselves (“all the same, because I have no one”, “who cares how I look”). Or be negligent towards their health (“I die no one will cry”). Or constantly whine or be rude to others (“my life is hard, that’s why I break”). But the logic of “I feel bad, so I’m entitled to everything” makes life easier for about the same as alcohol or drugs. That is, at first glance, significantly, and in fact is bringing us more harm than good.